"Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin
This is where I am in my life's journey. I have come to the realization that if I don't change then my life will become a living Hell. Pardon the language. I thought that I was one of those people that embraced change, that loved a great adventure. I was wrong. I am terrified. I cried so hard last night I thought I would never stop. All because of the epiphany that I HAVE TO CHANGE. The way that I am now is no longer acceptable.
However, for all the fear there is a little excitement. I am pretending it is a great adventure and I am looking forward to finding my happiness once again. Finding my light heart.
A friend of mine read a book to our daughters a few weeks ago. It was called "Fancy Nancy". For those that don't know it,Fancy Nancy is this little girl who is all about dressing up in tutus and feather boas and pearl necklaces. She uses all kinds of "big, fancy words". Well as my friend was reading this book she looks at my daughter and says "Nancy is just like your mom"
Now this is a lady I went to high school with and we have only just moved close to one another again. I almost fell over. I'm standing in jeans and a tshirt with my hair in a ponytail and little to no make-up. Then it hit me. I use to be Fancy Nancy. I got all dressed up the way I wanted to, I didn't care if anyone else liked it. I liked it. Not only were my clothes different but I was light and carefree and "here I am, this is me, take me or leave me, I don't really care. And you know what? I didn't care. But then I realized that there was a difference back then. I had a close group of friends that I KNEW loved me no matter what. No matter what I did, they were there for me.
After high school we went our separate ways and I got married and then my husband cheated on me and I had no one to turn to but my mom and that didn't help. I felt alone and unwanted. I think that's where my Fancy Nancy went. I no longer felt carefree because I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and that no one wanted the real me.
So now, many many many years later I realize I must find that fancy girl again and find the loving woman that went with her. I must do this to save my family from falling apart.
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Proverbs 19
Lord, I come to you humble and alone. Even though my family is large, I have distanced myself from them. I ask for your guidance and instruction as I read your word. In Your Name I Pray, Amen.
Proverbs 19:1 "Better is the poor who walks in his integrity Than one who is perverse in his lips, and is a fool."
This is something that I noticed in the last few chapters. God is really pressing the issue of integrity upon me. I must become a woman of integrity before I can move forward.
Proverbs 19:11 "The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression."
We have a choice. We can make the choice to become angry or to remain calm.
Proverbs 19:15 "Laziness casts one into a deep sleep, And an idle person will suffer hunger."
Have you ever noticed how the less you move the more tired you feel? That's me. The longer I sit the more tired and listless I feel. As for being idle and hungry, does the term couch potato ring a bell? How many of these truths do we already know but we refuse to acknowledge?
Pray to the Lord for guidance and he will show you a multitude of things. Remember that those without wisdom are the ones who are quick to anger and who are ready to constantly put people down and belittle them. I am just as guilty as the next person. But I don't want to be that person any more and now I have the knowledge staring me in the face so I can no longer play dumb.
Proverbs 19:1 "Better is the poor who walks in his integrity Than one who is perverse in his lips, and is a fool."
This is something that I noticed in the last few chapters. God is really pressing the issue of integrity upon me. I must become a woman of integrity before I can move forward.
Proverbs 19:11 "The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression."
We have a choice. We can make the choice to become angry or to remain calm.
Proverbs 19:15 "Laziness casts one into a deep sleep, And an idle person will suffer hunger."
Have you ever noticed how the less you move the more tired you feel? That's me. The longer I sit the more tired and listless I feel. As for being idle and hungry, does the term couch potato ring a bell? How many of these truths do we already know but we refuse to acknowledge?
Pray to the Lord for guidance and he will show you a multitude of things. Remember that those without wisdom are the ones who are quick to anger and who are ready to constantly put people down and belittle them. I am just as guilty as the next person. But I don't want to be that person any more and now I have the knowledge staring me in the face so I can no longer play dumb.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Proverbs 1
Proverbs 1:5
"A wise man will hear and increase learning, ans a man of understanding will attain wise counsel,"
I believe that this best sums up Proverbs 1. That we must constantly seek knowledge and understanding. We must seek knowledge not only from the Bible and other books, but from people, from our ourselves, our husbands and our children. We must seek to understand them, to know them as people and not just extensions of ourselves. We must seek not only to co-exist with them but to create a community within our home. God gave us families to learn how to co-operate and live as communities. We must relearn these skills not only to teach our children, but to remind ourselves. Some of us were never taught these skills to start with, we must study and learn them in order to teach our families.
"A wise man will hear and increase learning, ans a man of understanding will attain wise counsel,"
I believe that this best sums up Proverbs 1. That we must constantly seek knowledge and understanding. We must seek knowledge not only from the Bible and other books, but from people, from our ourselves, our husbands and our children. We must seek to understand them, to know them as people and not just extensions of ourselves. We must seek not only to co-exist with them but to create a community within our home. God gave us families to learn how to co-operate and live as communities. We must relearn these skills not only to teach our children, but to remind ourselves. Some of us were never taught these skills to start with, we must study and learn them in order to teach our families.
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