"Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin
This is where I am in my life's journey. I have come to the realization that if I don't change then my life will become a living Hell. Pardon the language. I thought that I was one of those people that embraced change, that loved a great adventure. I was wrong. I am terrified. I cried so hard last night I thought I would never stop. All because of the epiphany that I HAVE TO CHANGE. The way that I am now is no longer acceptable.
However, for all the fear there is a little excitement. I am pretending it is a great adventure and I am looking forward to finding my happiness once again. Finding my light heart.
A friend of mine read a book to our daughters a few weeks ago. It was called "Fancy Nancy". For those that don't know it,Fancy Nancy is this little girl who is all about dressing up in tutus and feather boas and pearl necklaces. She uses all kinds of "big, fancy words". Well as my friend was reading this book she looks at my daughter and says "Nancy is just like your mom"
Now this is a lady I went to high school with and we have only just moved close to one another again. I almost fell over. I'm standing in jeans and a tshirt with my hair in a ponytail and little to no make-up. Then it hit me. I use to be Fancy Nancy. I got all dressed up the way I wanted to, I didn't care if anyone else liked it. I liked it. Not only were my clothes different but I was light and carefree and "here I am, this is me, take me or leave me, I don't really care. And you know what? I didn't care. But then I realized that there was a difference back then. I had a close group of friends that I KNEW loved me no matter what. No matter what I did, they were there for me.
After high school we went our separate ways and I got married and then my husband cheated on me and I had no one to turn to but my mom and that didn't help. I felt alone and unwanted. I think that's where my Fancy Nancy went. I no longer felt carefree because I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and that no one wanted the real me.
So now, many many many years later I realize I must find that fancy girl again and find the loving woman that went with her. I must do this to save my family from falling apart.
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Proverbs 6
Lord, Give me a heart to receive your instruction and to understand your wisdom. In Your Name I Pray, Amen
Proverbs 6:16-19
"These six things the Lord hates,Yes, seven are an abomination to Him; A proud look, a lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among brethren."
How many of us are guilty of any of these things? Raise your hands. Come on, you in the back too. We've all done one of these at one time or another. You've lied about how late you stayed out the night before or how much money you spent at the store the other day. How about being a Sunday Christian? Does your life show what you believe or do you just talk a good talk? I can talk about spirituality all day, but putting it into practice is a constant struggle. I must ask for help not only daily but sometimes hourly.
What I took away from Proverbs 6 as a whole was this: Your word is your bond, do not make a statement that you cannot follow through with. Laziness and idleness and failure to work show that you do not have God's wisdom and such lack of action will lead to poverty. In order to tell the character of a person, watch how they hold themselves, watch their body language. In the same respect, we must watch our own body language because it speaks volumes as to what type of person we are.
God hates anything that will hurt others, so before you speak or act think about how the other person will feel or react to your actions/words. Think of where they are coming from, why they might have said or did what they did, then react.
We cannot always control our environment, but we can control how we react to things. So the next time your three year old is spilling milk in the floor or raiding the refrigerator, don't yell, ask yourself why. Were you 'too busy' to get the little one something to drink? Are you 'busy' and it's lunch time? Was he/she just trying to help?
I think the best advice I have gotten about getting angry or frustrated came from the kids show "Blues Clues". They tell you to "Stop. Breath(take a deep breath). and Think." Now I don't always follow this thinking. Some days I don't follow it at all. But I believe it's something we should all strive for. Sometimes when I take my deep breath I say a little prayer "Lord help me through this". It's not muttered like a curse word, it's a heartfelt prayer. Amazingly I feel much more peaceful when I do say it.
Proverbs 6:16-19
"These six things the Lord hates,Yes, seven are an abomination to Him; A proud look, a lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among brethren."
How many of us are guilty of any of these things? Raise your hands. Come on, you in the back too. We've all done one of these at one time or another. You've lied about how late you stayed out the night before or how much money you spent at the store the other day. How about being a Sunday Christian? Does your life show what you believe or do you just talk a good talk? I can talk about spirituality all day, but putting it into practice is a constant struggle. I must ask for help not only daily but sometimes hourly.
What I took away from Proverbs 6 as a whole was this: Your word is your bond, do not make a statement that you cannot follow through with. Laziness and idleness and failure to work show that you do not have God's wisdom and such lack of action will lead to poverty. In order to tell the character of a person, watch how they hold themselves, watch their body language. In the same respect, we must watch our own body language because it speaks volumes as to what type of person we are.
God hates anything that will hurt others, so before you speak or act think about how the other person will feel or react to your actions/words. Think of where they are coming from, why they might have said or did what they did, then react.
We cannot always control our environment, but we can control how we react to things. So the next time your three year old is spilling milk in the floor or raiding the refrigerator, don't yell, ask yourself why. Were you 'too busy' to get the little one something to drink? Are you 'busy' and it's lunch time? Was he/she just trying to help?
I think the best advice I have gotten about getting angry or frustrated came from the kids show "Blues Clues". They tell you to "Stop. Breath(take a deep breath). and Think." Now I don't always follow this thinking. Some days I don't follow it at all. But I believe it's something we should all strive for. Sometimes when I take my deep breath I say a little prayer "Lord help me through this". It's not muttered like a curse word, it's a heartfelt prayer. Amazingly I feel much more peaceful when I do say it.
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