Monday, December 8, 2008

Inner Peace

Lord, I come to you with an open heart asking that you guide me during this day and beyond. Show me how to be the woman you would have me to be, to free myself from the past and embrace the future. In Jesus Name, Amen

I had a piece all prepared to write and when I sat down at the keyboard all of my words left me. No kidding. Nothing. Blank mind. Not a single thought of my "brilliant" post was left. So what better way to start than with a prayer. As I type these words I feel a calmness that wasn't there before. A calmness that I have desperately needed during the past few days.

You see, I have been taking care of sick children for an entire week now. And Friday I was sick myself. Not just sick, but the "I really am going to die" type sick. And lucky for me hubby had to work all day Saturday also, so no rest for the mommy. I noticed yesterday that the 'loving, caring, anything for you sweetie' mommy was disappearing quickly. My wonderful 4 year old who has been sick the longest was very whiny and not very receptive to any medicinal solutions I had for her. So a snapped at her more than a few times. Not nice, but that's where I was in the sick, sleep deprived role of motherhood.

My baby was finally able to sleep at 2AM this morning. Just long enough for me to take a nap. My alarm was set for 5AM. Time to start my day. Needless to say it has been a very LONG week for all of us. I prayed over her numerous times yesterday because she was so tired and so weak and nothing seemed to help her cough. Well praise God because her cough is finally gone and she is sleeping even now as I type.

I wish I had prayed sooner. I cannot believe I left it as long as I did. But yesterday it dawned on me. What would it take for her to be gone from me? She looked so pitiful and she hadn't really eaten in days. A few crackers here and there and some soup but not a lot. When I really sat down and thought about it I began to cry and pray. I realize that she is here for however long the Lord allows, just like all of us. So I need to keep my role as her caretaker in perspective and do just that.

I know that I will still struggle with my temper and that patience is not my strength but I can find it in HIM. The Lord taught me that I need to stay close to Him so that I can be the woman He wants me to be, the woman He created me to be.

So I ask, where do you stand? I do have to remind myself that it's not all about the destination but also the journey.
I hope some of these ramblings made sense. :)